Along the way I started to progress and see my body grow, and as most people know I started to compete & have done quite well. A strange thing happened to me a couple of years ago; I started to enjoy bodybuilding less and less each year. Bodybuilding has consumed my life and has given me many wonderful things for which I am thankful, but as I said, I no longer enjoyed it the reason being I was totally consumed with winning, and that has spoiled one of my greatest loves, I have felt so much pressure the last couple of years as I felt that unless I won I was some how failing. I am living a life I have dreamed of ever since I picked up a musclemag, all I have ever wanted was to live in sunny California & train at Gold’s In Venice, I dreamt of doing photo shoots with the top photographers such as Mike Nexuex, I dreamt of hanging out with the top pros and seeing my self in all the mags, I dreamt of getting a rich contract and signing autographs and appearing at all the top shows such as the Mr. Olympia and the Arnold classic. I have achieved all these things and more, you would think that I would be happy and the honest answer is that I am not .I have everything that I have ever wanted, a Beautiful wife a fast muscle car, I now have a n 84 white convertible Mustang 5.0 fully loaded have achieved all these things and I am still not happy, I want more all the time. I sat down and asked my self why am I not happy and the honest answer is because I am not the best .I have been doing bodybuilding the last four years for all the wrong reasons, I have been doing it to prove that I am the best, this is human nature and it is one of our worst traits, I have been runner up in the in last two world Championships and if you would of told me that I would have achieved this five years ago I would have thought that I would be on top of the world I am now once again really enjoying training and bodybuilding , the reason is I am once again doing it for the right reasons, I am doing it because I love it, I am no longer consumed by winning at all costs ,If I never win another show I could care less. When you do something to win and nothing else matters you are setting your self up for failure.

Think of it in the whole world there can be only one true champion, that means that only the person that wins gets to be happy, that is ridiculous, how can that be true, every body deserves to be happy, I have been so close to the pot of gold but I know that I am no happier than the person that finished last and in all honesty that person would have taken more satisfaction in placing last than I did in placing 2nd, I have realized that by just competing I am a winner, each year I put my body through hell, this year I honestly thought that I was going to win the whole thing I am not ashamed to say that I did everything possible I trained like an animal I was injured and told by specialists that I would not be able to compete I battled through all these obstacles and a day out I knew that I had a very good chance of winning, as history shows I totally screwed up, I wanted it so bad that I destroyed my chances, I looked great ,but I thought that I could look better, so I did more and more until I went from looking like a possible winner to someone that was lucky to have even been in the top 5,I wanted to win so badly I made my self loose, I was devastated after the show I acted like a stupid child I was asking every one why this happened to me I could not accept it. I will never forget waking up at 4 am in the morning in our hotel room in New Zealand, I was in bed and my wife was sleeping beside me, I looked at her and I started to cry I was so ashamed for the way I had treated her during my preparation for the show, I put everything to the side for this show & here I was 12 weeks later looking at my wife realizing that she was there with me and would always be, I had pushed my own wife to the back ground the one person that I am supposed to look after and love for the rest of my life and I had showed her no respect or love as I gave every waking minute preparing for the show, I put a $10 trophy ahead of the most important person other than god in my life aside, I will never do such a thing again, I have changed the way I look at things no longer will I sacrifice everything for a bodybuilding show or anything else for that matter. The thing that I thought would make me happy was making me unhappy, I will still be doing the Worlds & I would love to win that title & I honestly know that if I get it all together I can, but I could care less, I train now for the reasons that I stared and that is because I want to see how good I can be, I am a winner by just getting on stage, whether I win or place last it matters not as long as I see some improvement in my body that will show me to be a winner, I know some people will say he has gone soft or he is weak ,but guess what who cares what people think of me ,the only persons opion that I care about is my own , I used to be so concerned with what every one thought about me, I have heard it all I am gay for pay I am this I am that ,I look back and I laugh I must have slept with about 5 guys girlfriends behind there backs and these guys would all be shooting off about me being gay, if they only knew. But I did these things more out of anger than anything else I wanted them to see that I was not all these things I was supposed to be, hey if I was gay I would admit it I have a million gay friends and I love them all, but am I gay no, if I was I would say yeah I am, I no longer care about peoples opinions on me, the people that meet me in the states always say man you are a lot different than I thought you would be, hearing that used to make me happy, but I know the person I am and I am proud of what I have achieved and who I am and that is all I can ask of my self, I like Guy Grundy and that is the biggest complement I can give my self I am far from perfect and I know this but all in all I am a good guy.